Narcissism of Eating Disorder Sufferers
by Philip Jonkers
People suffering from eating disorders, mostly young women, have in common that they all are dissatisfied with their bodily appearance; they feel themselves to be too fat and have a overriding desire to be “thin”. They are ashamed of themselves with the way they look and as a consequence feel inferior and suffer from low self-esteem. They transmute this sense of guilt and shame into an ultimately pathological motivation to lose weight, in a rather desperate and tragic attempt to gain approval and acceptance.
This motivation — rooted in a potent but self-destructive admixture of shame, inferiority and selfishness coupled with a craving for admiration — is what they have in common with that of the classic narcissist. Both the narcissist and the ED sufferer are bound together in an history of being shamed, either by parents or by peers or by others, for either their unfortunate misdeeds, or their very existence itself. It should come as little surprise that…
…studies have also found that people with bulimia or anorexia are often highly narcissistic and tend to:
- Have an inability to soothe oneself.
- Have an inability to empathize with others.
- Have a need for admiration.
- Be hypersensitive to criticism or defeat. Source
But there is a difference between the two. While the narcissist seeks to identify himself with a self-salutary inflated self-image, the EDS on the other hand pursues a self-image that is extremely deflated and humble. Whereas the narcissist wishes to be praised for his boldness and grandiosity, the ED sufferer seems to like nothing better than to be as minimally obtrusive and intrusive as possible. Whereas the narcissist projects once suffered shame outwardly onto others, by casting scorn and encouraging awe and envy for his “supreme” self-image, the ED sufferer holds on to that festering shame by keeping on projecting it inwardly. In short, the mentality of the narcissist is that of the sadist and the ED sufferer that of the masochist.
Phil's Philosophy 
Anorexia nervosa (AN), characterized by refusal to maintain a healthy body weight, an obsessive fear of gaining weight, and an unrealistic perception of current body weight. However, some patients can suffer from anorexia nervosa unconsciously. These patients are classified under “atypical eating disorders”. Anorexia can cause menstruation to stop, and often leads to bone loss, loss of skin integrity, etc. It greatly stresses the heart, increasing the risk of heart attacks and related heart problems. The risk of death is greatly increased in individuals with this disease.:
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I have a friend with Bulimia. I care about her but she seems to lie and exaggerate all the time. If someone at church is saying how they’ve got a particular medical condition my friend will jump into the conversation saying how she’s had that condition and she’s had it much worse and look how brave she was. When I talk to her later in more detail about this terrible experience she had, she lessens it and then often backtracks and says she had something similar but didn’t actualy have the condition or claims I’ve misunderstood her remarks and she never said that. I do misunderstand sometimes because I have High Functioning Autism but I also remember conversations exactly and I know she’s lying. I don’t understand this behaviour. It seems like she tells lies and exaggerates to get people to think she’s special but, when she’s not doing those things she can be a good friend. The things she seems to do to make people think more of her actually make me think less of her. I don’t know how to be a friend to someone like this becuase I have an aversion to lies because they confuse me a lot but I do want to help.
Bulimia is usually a cry for help. It may help you to understand some of the few things that contributed to her eating disorder. Such as; Neglect as a child, bullying etc. She wants people to feel her pain, for people to think she is really suffering but then when confronted with this behaviour she feels embarrassed and ashamed because deep down she knows what she is doing but doesn’t want people to think so. I think there has been a lot of negative connotations related to ‘attention seeking’ and when people try to avoid at all costs of being labelled as an attention seeker but I think attention seeking is just like being diagnosed with any kind of issue. People who need attention for gratification have a serious need for help. Hopefullly your friend wants to get help otherwise it will be difficult to remain close friends because eating disorders are one of the most manipulative addictions and one of the most hardest to overcome and unfortunately there is a lot of lying involved however it is usually directly related to the behaviours such as lying about binging and purging or over exercising. The only way you can help is to help them get help if they want help.
P.s- I am currently recovering from anorexia and have also had bulimia
Bulimia is not a cry for help. Mabey in some cases but not all. Why eating disorders are so awful is people dont understand your isolatary and ongoing complete dispair. You often have to explain yourself or defend yourself to those who will never want to understand the darkness and even then they can’t. So you have to be a bit selfish as you are self reliant and only have your own optimism to rely on. From my knowledge of ppl with eating disorders we can soothe ourselves more than anyone knows. And I think I’m more empathetic than my family. My friends are amazing and we share compassion. I do agree we seek other peoples approval but with an invisible kinda illness this is how you are left feeling. And also many have very low self esteem and need approval through their bodies. Others actively seek a disgustingly thin body as to not please others. Trauma is often involved. Not all sufferers are self obsessed, rather are trying to stay strong in deep depression and lose relationships as they dont want to moan or make excuses. But are readily there for others if need be.
Ps. Calling people manipulative isnt exactly a being nice. I have an ed and have never manipuated anyone. I never lie and take responsibility for my actions. Mabey friends lie because you are not open to having an honest discussion with her. Being there for her even if she is struggling. Mabey people are wives/husbands, mums/dads sisters/brothers and apart fron this are loving and empathetic.
Wow this is incredibly untrue…. As someone who has recovered from anorexia, the desire to be thin is very, very – dare I say never – the only reason for developing an eating disorder. Most Ed’s come from past trauma, other mental illnesses, stress, etc. For me, my desire for control in a world where I couldn’t control anything developed into obsession over eating and exercise. And yes, it’s true that someone with an eating disordered mindset often have a desire for recognition and attention, i seriously doubt it’s due to narcissism, and more due to wanting help.
Wow this is just really untrue…. As someone who has recovered from anorexia eating disorders are very very rarely – dare I say never – solely due to a desire to be thin/ unhappiness with appearance. They instead are results of past trauma, other mental illnesses, or stress. For me, my desire for control and feeling very out of control in everyday life resulted in obsession over controlling exercise and food.